Before we begin, I want to say a big thank you to Carole who has an entire folder on her computer dedicated to Cover Snark candidates. Thank you so much, Carole, for below snarkage offerings.
Sarah: His pecs make for a very strange nose.
Amanda: If you had to boop said pec nose, where would one boop?
CarrieS: I’ve studied a lot of cryptids but I can’t ID whatever the fuck this is.
Tara: Could there be two of them? I can’t think of anything else that might make sense.
Catherine: If the torso is his nose it looks more like an elephant trunk than anything else. But that doesn’t go with the eyes. It’s a bit of a Rorschach blot of a cover, really…
Lara: A lot might be wrong with this cover, but I’m stealing that slogan for my holiday packing: Honour. Pack. Survival!
Carole: If I was running from that kind of fire, don’t think I would be pausing to give Come Hither Flirty Eye to Bystander Photographer.
Sarah: He’s cleared second base, hasn’t he?
Leaving the fire behind, headed for third. Such dedication.
Elyse: I feel like a shirt is a requirement when fighting fires.
Amanda: What if the shirt is what caught fire?
CarrieS: Remember that scene in Backdraft when William Baldwin’s character saves a mannequin? I think that might be what’s happening here.
Tara: Why is her face dirty but her feet and shirt are totally clean?
Catherine: I am very concerned about his skin colour. Which I suspect is a direct consequence of him not wearing a shirt. Also, either he is enormous or she is tiny – it feels like the scale is out somehow.
Lara: Plot theory: She walked out her house to see her neighbour’s house burn down (Fuck you, Carol, or similar) and while she was ogling the firefighters, she walked into a ladder (result: sore cheekbone) I can’t keep a white shirt clean for a morning nevermind IN A FIRE. Also, there’s something… monstrous(?) about his hands… long, red fingers… hmmm. HE’S A SHIFTER!
Carole: When I first read the cover I thought it said Something About Vegans.
Sarah: It totally says “vegans.” Does she keep the vegan in her shorts?
Carrie: I thought it said “Vaginas” for a second, given where she’s looking.
Amanda: Whatever that “something” is, she won’t find it by looking in her shorts.
Carrie: Unless that “something” really IS her vagina…and she bends over farther and maybe uses a mirror.
Catherine: I don’t know, Amanda – she looks to me as though she has just found *something* unexpected inside her shorts. But what could it be? A nasty rash? A broken zipper? A lost crustacean? An extremely small vegan? (Unlikely on the face of it, but the title definitely does say vegans, so who knows?) The possibilities are endless, especially if you are a little bit sleep-deprived.
Lara: All this cover gives me is horrific flashbacks to the 2000s and those demonic low-waisted jeans. THEY CANNOT EVER COME BACK! Get behind thee, Satan!