Before we begin, I want to say a big thank you to Carole who has an entire folder on her computer dedicated to Cover Snark candidates. Thank you so much, Carole, for below snarkage offerings.

Half Blood by Lauren Dawes. A wolf's two different colored eyes are positioned above a shirtless, headless dude's shoulders.

Sarah: His pecs make for a very strange nose.

Amanda: If you had to boop said pec nose, where would one boop?

CarrieS: I’ve studied a lot of cryptids but I can’t ID whatever the fuck this is.

Tara: Could there be two of them? I can’t think of anything else that might make sense.

Catherine: If the torso is his nose it looks more like an elephant trunk than anything else. But that doesn’t go with the eyes. It’s a bit of a Rorschach blot of a cover, really…

Lara: A lot might be wrong with this cover, but I’m stealing that slogan for my holiday packing: Honour. Pack. Survival!

Red Hot Rescue by Ava Kyle. A firefighter with no shirt, but the hat, pants, and suspenders is carrying a woman who looks very clean and smartly dressed in business casual attire.

Carole: If I was running from that kind of fire, don’t think I would be pausing to give Come Hither Flirty Eye to Bystander Photographer.

Sarah: He’s cleared second base, hasn’t he?

Leaving the fire behind, headed for third. Such dedication.

Elyse: I feel like a shirt is a requirement when fighting fires.

Amanda: What if the shirt is what caught fire?

CarrieS: Remember that scene in Backdraft when William Baldwin’s character saves a mannequin? I think that might be what’s happening here.

Tara: Why is her face dirty but her feet and shirt are totally clean?

Catherine: I am very concerned about his skin colour. Which I suspect is a direct consequence of him not wearing a shirt. Also, either he is enormous or she is tiny – it feels like the scale is out somehow.

Lara: Plot theory: She walked out her house to see her neighbour’s house burn down (Fuck you, Carol, or similar) and while she was ogling the firefighters, she walked into a ladder (result: sore cheekbone) I can’t keep a white shirt clean for a morning nevermind IN A FIRE. Also, there’s something… monstrous(?) about his hands… long, red fingers… hmmm. HE’S A SHIFTER!

There's Something About Vegas by Ember-Raine Winters. A curly-haired, blonde woman is looking down while she unbuttons her denim cutoff shorts.

Carole: When I first read the cover I thought it said Something About Vegans.

Sarah: It totally says “vegans.” Does she keep the vegan in her shorts?

Carrie: I thought it said “Vaginas” for a second, given where she’s looking.

Amanda: Whatever that “something” is, she won’t find it by looking in her shorts.

Carrie: Unless that “something” really IS her vagina…and she bends over farther and maybe uses a mirror.

Catherine: I don’t know, Amanda – she looks to me as though she has just found *something* unexpected inside her shorts. But what could it be? A nasty rash? A broken zipper? A lost crustacean? An extremely small vegan? (Unlikely on the face of it, but the title definitely does say vegans, so who knows?) The possibilities are endless, especially if you are a little bit sleep-deprived.

Lara: All this cover gives me is horrific flashbacks to the 2000s and those demonic low-waisted jeans. THEY CANNOT EVER COME BACK! Get behind thee, Satan!

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