It’s Cover Snark time! The WTF-ery is high today.

Haven 1: Ascend by Sandra R. Neeley. A bald, bright red shirtless man who two sets of black horns coming out of his head. Four horns total. The background is a bunch of blue planets.

Sarah: He seems surprised about something. Is it the horns?

Amanda: I feel like the horns are akin to adult acne. He grew one set, thinking it’d be done after puberty was over. BUT NOPE. IT WAS LIE.

Sarah: Just wait until you get a grey hair and a zit and a horn on the same day.

CarrieS: He looks so sad! Poor guy!

I can’t help but wonder what his hands are doing.

The Alpha's Concubine by Claudia King. A shirtless dude in a loincloth is sitting on a rock with a woman at his feet. She's also wearing a loincloth outfit. Behind them, a lake is on fire.

From NCK: Like New York’s hottest club, this cover has EVERYTHING: three kinds of font, 33.3% of Greater Value George of the Jungle era Brendan Fraser, an uneven spray tan, mismatched foundation, and a lake of fire. Zion National Park has never seen such drama.

Sarah: I think the wolf drawing on that rock is giving her a raspberry.

Elyse: You gotta be worried when your lake is on fire.

Sarah: They really do seem surprisingly unconcerned.

Amanda: I feel like this cover would give you a Cover Snark bingo.

Aggressive nips, poor clothing choices, a background trying to kill you, etc

Sarah: Indication of an animal reacting strongly to whatever the people are doing.

Cover Snark Bingo would be a good idea.

Amanda: Title word salad.

CarrieS: He seems profoundly uninterested in this.

Elyse: Didn’t the Thames catch on fire one time?

Sarah: You’d think flaming water would be a cause for some interest. Like even just swiping right.

CarrieS: I can’t find a record of this happening to the Thames although with all that methane back in the day I wouldn’t be surprised. I’d expect that there, at minimum, multiple small fires during the Great Stink but Google is failing me so I can’t confirm. The polluted Cuyahoga River has been on fire 13 times. So has the Meiyu River in China, the Rogue River in Detroit, the Buffalo River in Buffalo, and the Schuylkill in Philadelphia. My GOD I am such a nerd.

Sarah: Wait, I want more stories of rivers on fire please, says the girl from Pittsburgh.


CarrieS: London Bridge has been on fire, which almost counts!

Sarah: There’s a whole song about it, in fact!

Is there one about Alpha Concubine fire cave is burning down? Probably not, doesn’t have the same meter.

The Wrong Cop by Nancy Brophy. A shirtless dude with a mullet is wearing huge aviator sunglasses and point a gun on the cover. He appears to be in a brick warehouse and there's a random teddy bear near the title.

From Ren: The lack of gun safety, the depressed stuffed animal, and the reminder that nothing is sexier than fried eggs convey a clear, cohesive marketing message.

Sarah: No. Do not want. Do not point a gun at me from a cover.

Elyse: I just feel like this is a guy who makes the news for accidentally shooting his own wiener off.

Sarah: Indubitably.

Amanda: There are so many fonts.

This Earl of Mine by Kate Bateman. A hero is resting on a couch, while the heroine pushes against his chest. There's something uncanny valley about the hero because his neck and limbs seem like they belong to Stretch Armstrong.

Elyse: Is his neck ok?

Also where is that leg coming from? None of this makes sense.

Amanda: He’s clearly doing a hip flexor exercise while trying to get down to business.
That or he’s attempting to dislodge a wedgie.

Elyse: And he has like 4 extra cervical vertebrae.

CarrieS: I love the dress color but her hand placement has me wondering if this “enthusiastic consent” or more “then again, I have been meaning to catch up on my TV shows…”

Sarah: That guy is VERY elastic looking…. Hold up. Is this a paranormal?

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