The Nine Best Lines on Lil Wayne’s “Wasted” Freestyle, Ranked

Day 288: “Wasted” – No Ceilings, 2009

A lot of people consider No Ceilings to be a peak for Wayne, and those people are right, even though the title track is a terrible remake of the Black Eyed Peas’ “I Gotta Feeling.” No Ceilings is the peak of a specific Wayne form, which is just him rapping punchlines for, like, five minutes straight.

By this point, he was running pop radio, and this mixtape was in a way a return to form. But the form was different. The breakneck raps on No Ceilings differ from the tangled insanity of his mixtape tracks a few years earlier; the punchlines are more direct, and there are more than a few quote-unquote hashtag raps. The overall style is not so much focused on proving Wayne’s dominance as it is self-assuredly basking in that dominance. It’s an easy style to enjoy and a tough one to imitate (see: the next year of Drake’s career or the first three years of Childish Gambino’s career, which can arguably be traced back entirely to today’s track, “Wasted.”)

Watching Wayne utterly demolish Gucci Mane’s “Wasted” beat is one of the great joys of modern rap, a feat of punchline dominance so complete that Mitch Hedberg would be jealous. It’s so great, in fact, that when I went to write about it, I found myself copying out nearly the entire song’s lyrics. And faced with that prospect, it seemed only right to tackle the challenge with the most time-honored organizational tradition of all: a list. Without further ado or explanation, here are the nine best lines in Lil Wayne’s “Wasted” freestyle, ranked:

9. “Light pole barrel / chopper stupid long / New Orleans nigga / I get Superdome”

8. “Hit or miss / I hit your missus / you are local news / I’m 60 Minutes”

7. “I’ll serve anyone / Like a blind waiter / I make my girl come first / then I arrive later”

6. “You plain Jane / I’m diverse / I save the world second / and I get high first”

5. “Energizer money / it keep goin’!”

4. “Your flow never wet / like grandma pussy / I’m always good / like grandma cookies”

3. “You can tell dad / that I’m a motherfucker / you niggas best not slip / Ice Road Truckers”

2. “Yeah, call me the spleen or the spine fixer / it’s going down / like the Catalina Wine Mixer”

1. “If we gon’ do it, dog / let’s do it now / I am more animal than the zoo allow”

I am more animal than the zoo allow. What else is there to say?

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