Smart Bitches Movie Matinee: Gentlemen Prefer Blondes

Sarah: Am I the only one who gets a little zing! of excitement with the production company logo and music at the start of a movie? I think it’s a leftover reaction from going to a movie as a kid – which was a Big Deal of excitement.

Carrie S: Clothes!

Elyse: My fashion goals are to have a cape like Dorothy’s.

Carrie S: Three minutes in and I’m already in love with Jane Russell.

Sarah: What lipstick is Jane wearing in the opening sequence? I love it.

Ah, vintage movie credits. I can have a shower in the time it takes to get through them.

Elyse: Is “those girls couldn’t drown” a boob joke?

Carrie S: I feel like we need to discuss the flesh colored swim trunks but word fail me.

Elyse: Holy skin colored swim trunks. I love how the ship conveniently has a gymnastics studio next to the pool. Also what the fuck is the Australian crawl?

Sarah: Carrie, I agree. There is absolutely no subtext to men in flesh colored swim trunks dancing, wrestling, and swinging on a pole. Nope.

Dorothy with a black and white checkered cape. The underside is made up of bright yellow fabric.

RHG: Fuckboy Gus looks like Charles Boyle from Brooklyn 99 and that’s a substitution that’s going to keep me ENDLESSLY entertained for a while. All weekend, probably.

Sarah: Ok, when Junior Esmond walks through the backstage area on the way to Lorelei’s dressing room, he looks at all the women, and looks utterly confused what he’s doing there.

Elyse: I love Dorothy. LOVE her.

RHG: Jane Russell is the best, hands down. I want to get drunk with Dorothy and talk shit. Or with Jane. Both of ‘em.

Sarah: I love Dorothy’s confident sexuality. I love that the issue

RHG: RUNNING, why? “Sure it keeps you healthy, but at what cost?”

I deeply appreciate this workout scene. My face and Dorothy’s face are the same face and we would absolutely be best friends for ever. “I like a beautiful hunk of man.”

Dorthy is agog at a man flexing his biceps.

Sarah: “Nobody chaperones the chaperone.” And a thousand historical romances were born.

“Dibs on the shot putter.” Again, a thousand romances were born. Probably contemporary but I can be flexible.

Carrie S: When Lorelei and Dorothy walk into the dining room together there’s no lesbian subtext all. Nope. Not a bit.

Sarah: The choreography is something else – I don’t think their rib cages moved at all.

RHG: It’s nice to see actual dancing after that abhorrent remake of Dirty Dancing the other night with low energy, lackluster, barely dirty dancing.

Carrie S: I can’t figure out why I so very much want Lorelei to have love and riches even though she has the morals of a boa constrictor.

Sarah: Lorelei threatening to have her meals in her room so the head waiter has to give back his bribes – ma’am. I am so impressed.

Carrie S: Lorelei grand dismissal of annoying men is my everything.

Elyse: “The human ferret” is my new favorite insult.

Sarah: “Did you ever hear of a rich pole vaulter?” A thousand romances born? Well, maybe not a thousand. Maybe a six.

RHG: Oh, he’s good. Malone is VERY good at his job.

Ah! Elliot Reid reminds me of Christian Borle, especially in “My line? My most effective one is to tell a girl she has hair like a torch at midnight, lips like a red couch in an ivory palace that I’m lonely and starved for affection. Then, I generally burst into tears. It seldom works.”

Sarah: “You might be interested in my tiara.” I’m going to say that randomly, when I have a tiara in my bag. Which means I need to get a tiara to keep in my bag.

RHG: I’m going to start carrying around a tiara. Just in case. You never know when you might have a tiara emergency. “I just love finding new places to wear diamonds!” LOL.

Carrie S: OMG Lorelei is a terrible person. Blackmailing a dude to get a tiara is low, honey.

Sarah: Who packs a tiara in a leather briefcase without pad?

Elyse: Life goals: Needing 4 bellboys to unload my taxi…Except it would be all yarn and books, probably.

Carrie S: THAT SHADE OF BLUE THO. WE ARE NOT WORTHY.

Lorelei (Marilyn Monroe) in a gorgeous deep blue dress.

Sarah: And Carrie, that cobalt dress…we are indeed not worthy.

Elyse: This movie is pure clothes pr0n. Except the cone bras. Those are a little scary.

RHG: The costumes in this are STUNNING. OMG.

Sarah: The fact that I’m really enjoying this movie and that it’s a musical is surprising.

Elyse: Where do these women buy their lipstick?! It survives kissing…getting knocked in the pool…like a million cocktails…

Sarah: Dorothy is making me rethink pantsuits.

Dorothy has a pink lipstick now – and I don’t wear pink but I like it. I need makeup lessons from whomever chose her cosmetics.

RHG: THAT IS A VERY LARGE LISTENING DEVICE. “If you’ve nothing more to say, pray, scat.” BRUTAL.

Lorelei (Marilyn Monroe) telling a dude that if he has nothing more to say, pray, scat.

Sarah: Malone would make a terrible paparazzi. And I defined about sixteen abdominal muscles cringing at Piggy’s tales of Africa. Good grief.

Carrie S: I’m disappointed by the wedding dresses. I thought they’d be more outrageous.

Sarah: I was not expecting tea length wedding dresses and lace.

Lorelei and Dorothy's matching tea-length, lace wedding dresses.

Elyse: I don’t understand why the chandelier is made of women. Or the candelabra. HAVE THEY BEEN CURSED?!

Carre S: I love the female friendship and I love the tenacity with which the women go after what they want from life. It was a lot of fun! Also we have to provide a gif of Monroe smacking guys with her fan and saying “No, no no no no no” cause that’s the best.

Elyse: I adore the fact that Dorothy and Lorelei support each other unwaveringly. They may not always agree with each other, but they love and protect each other. I will watch/read that story always.

Sarah: I love that Lorelei and Dorothy’s friendship is immutable. They both know each other’s flaws and habits, but they defend one another and protect each other. And they’re honest about the circumstances they’re in, and don’t condemn each other for doing what they want, and going after what they want. I love that about this movie.

I also love their exchange:

“It’s just not fair.”

“Of course it’s not.”

They’re going to help each other and look after each other because nothing is fair.

RHG: That was charming and adorable, and I feel like Marilyn Monroe was a much better actress than a lot of people give her credit for. Sure, lot of people can do the breathy, “Oh my, isn’t that interesting?” thing, but to do it with enough layers, and being able to let the camera see the machinations behind it all? Noice. Pity that most people now seem to see just the hair and the boobs and the legs.

Elyse: “Really, then why are you wearing that hat?” I LOVE DOROTHY.

“You hold your breath till I call.” I LOVE HER EVEN MORE

RHG: Dorothy and I would TOTALLY be BFFs. We’d be salt-mates. It would be amazing.

Sarah: It’s hard to grade this because through my present-day lenses (all four of them) there are some cringe-tastic moments. I’m generally not a fan of musicals. (WHY. WHY DO YOU BURST INTO SONG AND DON’T KNOW YOU ARE SINGING WHY.)

It’s not perfection but it’s very close. B+

RHG: I’d agree on the B+ grade…although, thinking back to the dude workout song, that pushes it up to an A- for me. I do love me a beautiful hunk of man.

Elyse: This was super fun. I liked the romance but I loved the female friendship and the clothes were AMAZING. I agree with B+/A-.

Did you watch Gentlemen Prefer Blondes along with us? Do you have a favorite costume? Are you more of a Dorothy or a Lorelei?

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