Cover Snark: He’s Just Got the One Dollar

It’s Monday! Cover Snark day! Most of these covers have shirtless, headless dudes on them, so be careful with others around!

Promises of the Heart by M.L. Ray. A cowboy wearing a bright red shirt has a woman cornered against a barn. He has a twig or flower in his mouth that makes it look like he has a forked tongue.

From Carole: Ok did a double take on this one…is he a snake shifter with forked floral tongue?

Don’t expect a kiss if you’ve been chewing on that, cowboy!

Sarah: She does not look impressed. She looks more like she’s .04 seconds away from shoving those flowers up his nose.

Amanda: It looks like she’s trying so hard not to laugh at his dumb moves.

CarrieS: Dudes, if you try to use your arm to block my exit, I will hurt you in so many ways, steal your hat, and stick those jaunty flowers where the sun don’t shine. Personal space.

Elyse: If your “smooth moves” involve handing women stuff with your mouth, you better be a Golden Retriever.

Donovan by Jillian Quinn. A naked dude standing in a skating rink with a hockey skate covering his bits and bobs.

From Ann-Marie: I don’t think anyone really wants the blade of a hockey skate this close to their… stick…

Sarah: Forget icing – are there penalties for slicing?

CarrieS: On the erotic side – I bet that shoe smells awful. Please do not court me with sports shoes.

Sarah: My neighbor’s sister has a bunch of kids who all play ice hockey. She tells us stories about the equipment stink when they all come home from practice.

His left nipple (well, his right, my left) looks sad. I wonder if it knows how sharp hockey blades are?

Amanda: I have a hard time believing he has ANY body hair.

Sarah: His hand is hairy.

Actually both forearms are quite hairy.

Redheadedgirl: His forearms are scrawny.

Sarah: So he skipped arm day. And leg day. but not ab day.

Redheadedgirl: And not wax day.

Amanda: The lack of pubic hair I think is what startles me. Like there’s no way to get that clean of a shave. He has to wax that.

Elyse: His penis is going to get stuck to that cold blade. Then it’s nothing but tears.

Ball Peen Hammer by Lauren Rowe. A shirtless dude wearing a necklace with a hammer pendant and a dollar tucked into the waistband of his jeans.

Amanda: So Ball Peen Hammer is the guy’s stripper name.

Which I think is way too long for a stripper name.

Redheadedgirl: …

Bro

BRO

Sarah: Genus: BRO. Species: BRO.

Amanda: Why not just “hammer” Why does it have to be so specific?

Sarah: Because peen.

Beavis of Beavis and Butthead headbanging

Amanda: But isn’t his necklace a sledge hammer?

Isn’t not even a ball peen!

Elyse: He must not be a great stripper because he just got the one dollar.

Amanda: “Just got the one dollar.” I’m dying.

I wonder if that’s the first stripping dollar he earned and now he’s going to frame it.

Elyse: Lol!!

Like if you only get one dollar, you know someone felt bad for you.

Amanda: Well…I guess it’s better than a roll of pennies.

Elyse: He has an old soup can that women can toss their loose change in

Things have gotten tough since he had to start using Coinstar.

CarrieS: Regarding Ball Peen, I can only add this…

Actor Nathan Fillion telling Neil Patrick Harris that the hammer is his penis

Taken by the MC by Devyn Douglas. A tattooed man looking down at a blonde woman.

Elyse: Hammer time!

A gif of MC Hammer dancing

Sarah: The Master…of Ceremonies. Is coming. In – I’m going to stop now.

Amanda: Part of his chest tattoo reads “Vida Loca,” which brings to mind Ricky Martin. I hope the hero is a fan.

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